Wednesday, July 3, 2013

When it rains, it pours

I love the saying "when it rains, it pours" and the past few days it's been more than just a saying.

Traffic jammed and waterlogged 

The majority of the time, I really try to keep my complaining in check. It's not productive. It's selfish. And despite how bad I think things are, I can always think of a million other ways things could be worse.

But the past few days, things have really worn me down. And I just want to vent. I don't want to rationalize it or self talk my way out of this funk. I just need to be able to throw it all out there, accept it for what is is, and move on.

Ugh, the rain. Stop already. It's July and it's supposed to be blazing hot and sunny. 

Emily has been sick which means no sleep for us. It started last Friday and we've been up with her at all hours of the night since then. She's tired and cranky and we are tired and cranky.

Work is work. It's never perfect and no job will ever be.  The tough part is still learning being in a new job with new people, new personality, and new expectations. I work my a$$ off. That's my style. Always has been, always will. Which is fantastic until you have a baby and a husband with an equally (if not more) demanding job and then my work takes a back burner to everything else going on.

There's never enough time or money. Groceries have to be bought and dinner has to be cooked. The kitchen has to be cleaned and quality time has to be spent with Emily and Randy (together and separately).  There are phone dates to be scheduled with dear friends and lunch get-togethers to be had. There are dear friends who are going through tough life struggles that need supporting and encouragement. There are church activities and events that are on the calendar but our attendance at them is never present.

As much as I want to be (and often think I am) Wonder Woman, I am not. I am just a woman trying to do the best I can. And some days, like the last few days, the best I can do is stay afloat. Not swim forward, towards something, but simply keep my head above water as the rain continues and the water rises.

And just as I think I'm about to slip under, I see the tiniest bit of hope. It happened this morning on my drive in. I caught a glimpse of bright blue behind the oppressive grey and white storm clouds. A reminder that behind the storm clouds, there are clear skies. Even when we can't see them., they are always there. And  at some point, the rain clouds WILL break and sunlight can begin pouring through.

So God, please bring on the sun. I'm more than ready to shine.