Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Weirdly Thankful

I woke up this morning in a weird, bad mood. It wasn't like anything had caused me to be a bad mood (hello-I have 3 days off work!) I was just in a funk. The day progressed along well enough (saw a few friends, had lunch with R, cuddled with Emily) but still just in a blah mood. Ever just have one of those days when things just don't seem right? Like everything is ok, just not going exactly the way you planned?

I kept telling myself to be thankful. I have time off work, time to spend with Em and R, it's beautiful out...blah blah blah..nothing was working. I started to tackle the mountain of dishes that is my kitchen and as I was loading the dishwasher, an odd thought popped into my head. "I am really thankful for not having the life I thought I would have." Say, whaaaat? "Yes", I thought again, "I am thankful for not having the life I thought I would have."

Let me back up.

A few days ago, I was thinking about my birthday. I'm not one of those people that does the birthday countdown or celebrates the whole month long. Nothing against that, it just ain't my style, people! In a few months, I will be celebrating my 30th birthday. And again, unlike other people, I'm not freaking out about it. I'm looking forward to it! I think 30 is a great number and it signifies 30 years of a great life with lots of accomplishments and tons of things to celebrate.

The idea of turning 30 popped up again in my head today as I was loading endless dishes into the dishwasher. There was a time, not too long ago, when I thought I knew what my life would hold at 30. A husband, several kids, a big house at the beach, and me at home enjoying it all. The problem is, looking back on it now, I realize how miserable I'd be. At the time I was dreaming all of this up, I was dating my college boyfriend. I mean he was an ok guy and all, but marrying him would have meant that I never would have met Randy. Having 3+ kids meant I'd have the big family I always wanted. But now I have Emily, my 1 and only baby. She's my whole world and I would not have it any other way. And yes, a big house at the beach would be nice. But the beach would mean I'd be further away from dear friends and a bigger house would mean more to clean. Which lead me to my last thought-which may be a bit controversial depending on the audience, BUT it is my blog :)-me as a stay at home mom/wife. There was a time when I could not imagine anything better. And really, that time wasn't all that long ago. But as I was doing one of my most dreaded chores, I was suddenly thankful that my day didn't consist of a revolving door of cleaning, cooking and tending to the house and/or baby. Knowing that I had the freedom to leave, go to work, dress nicely, have conversations with wonderful colleagues, do something good in the world, AND get paid for doing it was suddenly such a blessing. And although all of those chores still await me after 5pm Monday-Friday and weekends, I'm thankful that I'm able to do something else with my time. And it makes the time I do have at home more precious and special.

So yes, here I am almost 30, the week of Thanksgiving and extremely thankful for what my life is not. Instead, I can look around and see all the people and things that I never imagined I would have, and be truly thankful for them.

Who knew housework could be so enlightening.