Wednesday, September 26, 2012

To Work or Not to Work?

We've been looking at day cares for little EG and think we finally have a winner! It's been a tough search-mostly because all the day cares we like are booked through next year. Long waiting lists are ok when you are expecting...not when you have 4 weeks of leave and an almost 6 week old!

I have really enjoyed my time at home with Emily. It's been awesome to see her get bigger and change day to day. I've loved our outings and all the visitors we've had. But I've missed work! I know lots of moms feel torn about life at home with the wee one and life outside in the "real world". I've officially become one of those moms. My job is tough and challenging, but it's also rewarding. I've put a lot of time and energy getting my career where it is today. And I love it. I love that my ideas are valued and that I am a part of something bigger. I feel a sense of satisfaction when I see my hard work finally pay off.  And above all that, I feel like God has given me these talents for this very purpose and it's part of His plan to do what I'm doing.

But I also love my new baby girl (and she was a part of His plan too!). The thought of leaving her at a daycare to go to work every day is not an easy one.  Pre-baby I'd work long hours and check e-mails all hours of  the day (and on my days off). A bit of a work-a-holic. Now I know that won't change overnight, but I'm getting a bit more balance to my life these days.

Luckily, I have great friends that are moms and also manage to have careers. And they've given some great advise. One friend shared that she reminds herself on a daily basis why she goes to work. On those days that it's tough to leave Emily behind, I remind myself and tell her why I do it. For instance, if she wants to do ballet, play soccer, take piano lessons, attend art camp or anything of the like...I want to have money saved up to nourish her budding hobbies and interests. If we want to take a family vacation to Disney World, I want to be able to make those memories with her without worrying (too much) about a price tag. And in 17 or so years, when it's time for her to choose a college, I want her to be able to attend her first pick without student loans hanging over her head.

More than doing things together or the "stuff" extra money in my pocket provides, I want Emily to understand that life is about balance and sacrifice when it comes to providing for your family.  I want her one day to look back and see that it is not always easy at times but it can be done. And that even though I worked, I was a better mommy for it. It made those precious hours and days at home with her that much more important. Even though I spent  8+ hours a day at my office, I crammed as much snuggle, fun, and awesome time in the 5+ hours at night at home with her.

This is where God has called me to be at this time, and I'm ok with it. I'm going to make the most of every day. There's balance to be found and a lesson to be learned. I'm going to soak up as much time as I can with my daughter and role with it in the working world.  Who knows what's in store for the next chapter of our lives. I may be writing a new post a few years from now as a stay-at-home mom. And I just might be ok with it. :)