Life These Days

It’s 7:47pm on a Tuesday night. I’m still wearing my work clothes. But have traded the high heels for bare feet.  My hair is long overdue for a cut and color. I’m on my second glass of wine. Dishes are piling up in the sink and the laundry has been neglected. The time since we got home from hectic work days has been such a blur. Soccer ball kicking, swinging high in the backyard, neighbor chatting, work e-mail checking, leftovers reheating, Modern Family watching, Let it Go singing, bath time playing. 

It's hard to imagine by life before these moments. And it’s hard to impinge them without them. 

The days are a blur and they are long. They are exhausting and try my patience. They are filled with love and warmth and lots of giggles.

My house is a mess and my to-do list is shot.

But it’s ok. I’m doing alright. I’m raising a beautiful, sweet little girl. I’m supporting a loving spouse who gives back 10x what I give. I’m a working mom who’s doing her best to make a difference in the lives of others. 

These moments are fleeting. I will make it through today and so will you. Tomorrow will come and we will do it again. And we’ll look back in a few years and be relieved that we survived these moments and proud of what we accomplished in them. 

But for tonight, let’s unplug for a minute, cuddle up with those who hold our hearts, and soak up these fleeting moments. 

*M

10 Years and 10,000 Memories

Last weekend, we loaded up the car and made the trek to Wilmington for my 10 year college reunion. 10 years. It seems like a lifetime and a blink of an eye.

When we got there, we were joined by three of my closest college friends. We keep in touch via regular e-mails but the four of us have not all been together in several years. They are the kind of friends that everything easily falls into place when we are around each other. It's like we've never been apart for more than a day.

The four of us got to know each other working in Housing and Residence Life at UNCW. We spent countless hours together in trainings, dealing with undergraduate shenanigans (like the time the boys on my hall managed to flood the entire 4th floor), and kept each other company during late night/early morning front desk duty. We worked hard and we partied harder. (We were in college. That's what you are supposed to do!) We did silly things. They made me laugh harder than anyone else could.   And they loved me even when it was hard for me to love myself.  No guy ever came between us and we didn't have time (or patience) for pettiness. We supported, encouraged and stood up for each other.

Ten years of post college experience have taught me that friendships like that don't come along every day. These are women who have really shaped the person I've become since college. Each of them have contributed to pieces of what feels like the complete puzzle that makes up me. I've learn from them that there is a softness to being tough, that true commitment to making family a priority is not always easy, and how to be comfortable in my own skin.  I owe a tremendous amount to these women.

I'm looking forward what the next 10 years has in store for us.

Then....

And now.

Why I Stopped Saying "I'm Busy"

It's become almost an automatic response to the question "how are you?"

"I'm busy!"

"We are just so busy!"
"It's just a busy time of year!"

I don't question the validity of those statements for a second. And I wholeheartedly agree 100%.

But it's getting on my nerves.

Why? Well, for starters it's not unique to any one person. It's become so much of a norm in our lives that it almost doesn't deserve mention. It goes without saying.

And I think people use it as an "out." It's become an excuse for not returning a phone call, responding to an e-mail, taking on an extra project or attending an event. Yes, I've had my fair share of moments where I have forgotten one (or all) of the above items because I've been busy. But using as a preemptive strike? Not cool.

What's at the root of busy schedules? Is it because we are overworked parents? Or because we are caring for a sick loved one? Do we have too much on our plates between family, work and volunteer activities? If yes....then let's say so! Let's start being honest, truly honest, with each other in our exchanges. Let's tell each other flat out, "I'm interested but I cannot make that a top priority right now but I can get it to you in the next two weeks." Or "No, I'm sorry. I cannot committee to one more thing but here's what I can do." Or "I'm really struggling right now with (fill in the blank). I know this is important to you and I will do the best I can do to meet your expectations."

Can we all just agree, in 2015, to acknowledge we are all busy without having to actually say it? Or if we must say it, to not use the phrase so flippantly? I'm truly looking for a honest answer to the question "how are you?"; it's why I asked in the first place.

Can we start being a little bit more genuine (and gentle) with each other in this new year? I think we'll find we become a little less "busy" when we take moments to better understand and connect with each other. Our "busyness" is relative and temporary, as is everything else in life. Let's not waste time on empty statements. Let's make our daily exchanges more meaningful.  I think in doing so we will gain more that we ever imagined.

*M

Leaning In

I’m part of a new, small little book club with some amazing women. We chose Lean In for our first book. I love to read and usually read pretty quickly but I INHALED this book. I think I finished it in 2 days. Every single page spoke to me and it could not have come at a better time in my personal and professional life. If you haven’t read it yet, do it. If you can’t commit to the whole book, at least check out Sheryl Sandberg’s TedTalk for the highlights.

Today, I got some amazing news at work. I was accepted to participate in a Leadership Institute for State Advocate class with the Annie E Casey Foundation. This is only the second time they have offered this class and I’m one of 18 people participating from across the country. This is a tremendous investment on the part of the Foundation and I think is a true reflection of their priority to improve the lives of America’s children through advocacy work.  It’s a fantastic experience but also a tremendous investment on my part: additional work outside of my usual work load and frequent travel for the 18 months beginning in November.

When I first got the application, I was excited but nervous. Should I do this? Could I do this? After much hemming and hawing (and discussion with husband and colleagues), I completed the application and submitted it.  But I was torn. I’ve always been ambitious with my career but I’m a mom now. And like it or not, that changes everything in a big way. I wasn’t sure I wanted to or could do something that would keep me away from my baby girl and her daddy.

But as God would have it, I started reading this book on my way to the interview for the leadership institute. And the more I thought and the more I read, the clearer it became. This rare opportunity before me was giving me the chance to lean in to my career and lean in to my family. The happier I am and the more opportunities I have at work, the more committed and satisfied I am with my work. And the more satisfied I am outside of my house, the more satisfied and dedicated I am to what goes on at my house.  But I wasn’t going to have those opportunities for growth and advancement personally and professionally if I didn’t lean in.

Now, I know I’m just at the beginning. I’m excited today but there is no doubt a long road ahead of me.  But I have to take this moment to say to all the career moms who struggle with this every. single. day (and as I reminder to myself when this journey gets rocky) LEAN IN. Lean in with everything you have. I know, some days it hurts like hell and you just cannot give one more ounce of yourself to anyone. But we aren’t going to make this world any better for our own kids and for all our children, if we don’t take the opportunities that are right in front of us, staring us in the face.

I don't know what other opportunities await me but for now, I'm going to enjoy this moment. I'm going to pick my little one up child care and celebrate over a dinner out and no dishes to clean. And then I'm going to lean in to my bed (because it's been an incredibly tiring week) and stay there at least until 7am tomorrow morning. Because we all know toddlers love to sleep in on a Saturday.

Here's to leaning in and new adventures....

 

*M

Overuse of the F Word

I have a growing problem. I’m starting to realize that I say the F word…a lot.

No, not that F word. 

Forget.

I am constantly forgetting something. I forget I’m supposed to call someone back or to tell my husband I have a late meeting at work. I forget to get milk at the grocery store when that’s the one thing I went there for. I forget to send birthday and anniversary cards in a timely manner (don’t even get me started on baby or wedding presents). Sometimes (sorry Princess) I forget I haven’t fed the dog since yesterday.  I forget now why I started writing this post….

I used to be AMAZING at remembering things. In college, grad school and early on in my career, I was on top of it. Calendars, to-do lists, and e-mails were all up to date. I didn’t let things slip through the cracks and I was always one step ahead of myself.  

But recently, I’ve noticed a serious slip. Call it old age (does this happen to everyone as soon as they crossover 30?!) or mommy brain (I’m convinced that’s a legit medical condition) or call it whatever you want, but it isn’t pretty. So far (fingers crossed), I haven’t managed to forget anything major. I’m still employed, my kid is safe and my marriage is intact.  I think most people I interact with on a daily basis, know that my forgetfulness isn’t an excuse but a genuine problem I’m struggling with. I truly hope that the next time the phrase “I’m so sorry, I forgot!” comes out of my mouth that my friends, family and colleagues will respond with another F word…forgiveness.

So until I figure out the magic solution for my forgetfulness (Ginkgo biloba, anyone?) please just laugh it off and enjoy receiving our family Christmas card in July.

*M

Good and Bad: The Story Continues

So naturally, after my last post on being committed to parenting with all the good times and bad, I had a doozy of an afternoon. Randy was out of town so I was "single parenting it" and, side bar, let me just say I have MAD RESPECT for moms and dad flying solo. You guys deserve major awards. And by major awards, I mean like a million dollars, a brand new Lexus and a month long vacation to Hawaii.

I digress. Back to my little sob story.

My work ran late and I was stressing about how long I could wait for a return phone call (that never came) and still make it to daycare on time to pick up Emily. I finally bailed around 5:30 and was happy to see that Emily was still playing with several of her little classmates. Because ya know, as much money as you pay and as much fun as they have you always feel a little guilty when they are the last one there.

Then things started to unravel a bit. Emily did not want to leave. Let me back up, she basically ignored me when I walked in. She used to scream, and I do mean SCREAM, with excitement when I walked in at the end of the day. She would run as fast as her little legs could carry her over to me with arms out to pick her up. Melt. my. heart. I'm not sure if we are past that or this is just a little stage. She did, however, proceed to give her favorite teacher (who I do adore) not one but TWO hugs. STAB ME IN THE HEART.  Seriously?! Working mom guilt times times a hundred thousand million gazillion.

After a mini tantrum from Emily when I finally grabbed her and wrestled her coat on, I proceeded to find out that she BIT two girls in her class that day. Sadly, this is not new information to me. And I know that this is pretty standard toddler behavior as Emily has been bitten herself. The frustrating part is getting it to stop. She bit me on our first day home together over the holidays (there was amoment I wasn't sure the two of us were going to make it through 9 whole days together) and I put her in timeout, which actually worked, I think?  Luckily, daycare put her in timeout as well so I'm hoping (PRAYING) that a little consistency will pay off.  Talk about bad times.

Overwhelmed, tired, a little emotional, and unsure of how I was going to tackle this new parenting challenge, I managed to make it out of daycare and safely home. We had a decent and healthy dinner, a fun time reading books, I got lots of hugs after putting on Emily's pjs, and we made it to bed on time. All of this without tears (from either one of us). Talk about good times.

So, see? Good and bad. All rolled up into less than . 24 hours.

I easily could end my post right here. But I had two things happen this morning that reminded me, good or bad parenting stuff,  I was taken care of whether I knew it or not. 

After scouring my house for my car keys I finally found them still in the door. Yes, OUTSIDE my locked house. I had a moment of panic at the thought that someone could have easily gotten into my house overnight immediately followed by what I like to call a "God moment".  In my mind I literally heard the words "I've got you, Megan."  Whew, God was looking out for me. 

Still amazed by God's protection (unknown to me), Emily and I began our commute to daycare and work. This morning was yucky with lots of rain and of course lots of traffic. We came up on a spot on the interstate that is notorious for  congestion. Most mornings everyone goes from 60+mph to a crawling 20 mph in less than half a mile. As I was coming to an almost complete stop, I for some reason looked in the rear view mirror to a car  narrowly miss rear ending the car DIRECTLY BEHIND ME and swerve in the median until finally regaining control back onto the highway.  I tear up now, thinking about how fortunate we were to miss being a part of a horrible accident. Again, another God moment.

What's the lesson in all of this (because you know there is always a lesson)? Good and bad will come in parenting (and heck, in life).  Let's not forget to be MINDFUL and THANKFUL that the bad times are fleeting, good times are just around ahead and we are taken care of protected all the time by a  merciful God!

*M

Weirdly Thankful

I woke up this morning in a weird, bad mood. It wasn't like anything had caused me to be a bad mood (hello-I have 3 days off work!) I was just in a funk. The day progressed along well enough (saw a few friends, had lunch with R, cuddled with Emily) but still just in a blah mood. Ever just have one of those days when things just don't seem right? Like everything is ok, just not going exactly the way you planned?

I kept telling myself to be thankful. I have time off work, time to spend with Em and R, it's beautiful out...blah blah blah..nothing was working. I started to tackle the mountain of dishes that is my kitchen and as I was loading the dishwasher, an odd thought popped into my head. "I am really thankful for not having the life I thought I would have." Say, whaaaat? "Yes", I thought again, "I am thankful for not having the life I thought I would have."

Let me back up.

A few days ago, I was thinking about my birthday. I'm not one of those people that does the birthday countdown or celebrates the whole month long. Nothing against that, it just ain't my style, people! In a few months, I will be celebrating my 30th birthday. And again, unlike other people, I'm not freaking out about it. I'm looking forward to it! I think 30 is a great number and it signifies 30 years of a great life with lots of accomplishments and tons of things to celebrate.

The idea of turning 30 popped up again in my head today as I was loading endless dishes into the dishwasher. There was a time, not too long ago, when I thought I knew what my life would hold at 30. A husband, several kids, a big house at the beach, and me at home enjoying it all. The problem is, looking back on it now, I realize how miserable I'd be. At the time I was dreaming all of this up, I was dating my college boyfriend. I mean he was an ok guy and all, but marrying him would have meant that I never would have met Randy. Having 3+ kids meant I'd have the big family I always wanted. But now I have Emily, my 1 and only baby. She's my whole world and I would not have it any other way. And yes, a big house at the beach would be nice. But the beach would mean I'd be further away from dear friends and a bigger house would mean more to clean. Which lead me to my last thought-which may be a bit controversial depending on the audience, BUT it is my blog :)-me as a stay at home mom/wife. There was a time when I could not imagine anything better. And really, that time wasn't all that long ago. But as I was doing one of my most dreaded chores, I was suddenly thankful that my day didn't consist of a revolving door of cleaning, cooking and tending to the house and/or baby. Knowing that I had the freedom to leave, go to work, dress nicely, have conversations with wonderful colleagues, do something good in the world, AND get paid for doing it was suddenly such a blessing. And although all of those chores still await me after 5pm Monday-Friday and weekends, I'm thankful that I'm able to do something else with my time. And it makes the time I do have at home more precious and special.

So yes, here I am almost 30, the week of Thanksgiving and extremely thankful for what my life is not. Instead, I can look around and see all the people and things that I never imagined I would have, and be truly thankful for them.

Who knew housework could be so enlightening.

*M