Adoption Month: This Says It All

All the feels.

Unspoken Sadness

November is National Adoption Month! Which means there are thousands and thousands of touching stories like Teach Your Children About Adoption Before Releasing Them on the Playground and awesome memes like this one:

My social media feed is full of wonderful stories and pictures of families that have come together through adoption. And all during the same month as Thanksgiving. Indeed, we have much to be thankful for. 

And yet, in the midst of this month of celebration, there are moments that appear without warning and hit me like a ton of bricks. As I'm scrolling through my social media, I see birth announcement after birth announcement. Fuzzy black and white sonogram pictures.  Smiling women with growing pregnant bellies.  Proud toddlers cuddling newborn siblings. And tears come to my eyes.

Randy and I chose adoption to create our family. Pregnancy was a road we deliberately chose not to travel. We also agreed that we would only adopt one child. And I honestly never gave it all much thought over the last 5+ years.... until now. Over those years, I've attended countless baby showers and bought baby gifts for dear friends and special co-workers without incident. I've lamented (to myself and out loud) about how difficult parenting one child is and how I cannot. even. fathom. doing it all over again! So why now? Maybe it's because I'm the same age as so many of the mamas-to-be? Maybe it's because some of them started down the adoption road but ultimately were able to get pregnant? Maybe it's because many of them have children close to Emily's age and I know that she will never have the experience of a younger sibling? Maybe it's me finally accepting something I knew in my head but not completely in my heart? Maybe it's all of those reasons and more. 

It hurts. It stings. It's tough to process. It's not a feeling or an experience that I know many of my close friends share. But I know I'm not the only one struggling with these very strong, mixed feelings (that make me feel horribly guilty). 

So to those reading this who are also working through this internal battle: we can do this. Deep within ourselves, deeper than the pain, is joy. It's a beautiful thing. We can put aside the unspoken sadness, jealousy and even resentfulness to give these moms-to-be a genuine "Congratulations!"  Because they deserve every happiness and celebration during this exciting time. All babies are a blessing regardless of how they come into our lives. Until we are able to come to terms with it all, you have understanding, acceptance and solidarity here. 

*M

Not My Story to Tell

I have a beautiful piece of artwork hanging in my office that says “your story matters.” I love hearing  people’s life stories because they contain so much power. It’s our individual successes, challenges, fears and raw honesty that allows us to truly connect with each other.

I’m always amazed at the people I meet in various settings that have adoption stories to tell. And yes, I’m a little biased, but adoption stories are hands down the best. Each are like snowflakes, all a little different, and yet, together they create a beautiful image.  I love sharing the story of how we came to be Emily’s parents and the journey that brought us together as a family. 

Yet, I always feel conflicted when I hear adoption stories that include information about a birth mom or birth family. I know often times these women and families faced unthinkable tragedy and difficult life circumstances that brought them to the decision that adoption was the best and only option for their child. My heart breaks a little every single time when I hear stories of birth mothers that abused drugs and alcohol, were victims of rape or domestic violence or struggled with mental illness.  And I feel incredibly protective of these individuals. Because I don’t think their story is our story to tell. 

Children don’t deserve to be labeled “fetal alcohol babies” or “drug babies.”  Those may be the challenges they were born into or born with but their worth is so much more.  I never want any child, including Emily, to be viewed as less than because of a label we place on them early in life. From the beginning we’ve started them off at a disadvantage because of something they had no control over. Labels diminish a child's potential. All children should know in the deepest part of their hearts that they matter, they belong and they are capable. And it’s our jobs as parents to show them and reinforce that message every single day.   

What happened prior Emily entering our life, isn’t my story to tell. Maybe it’s a story she will want to tell one day. That’s her decision to make. But my story, our story, will be what happened in the moments, days and years after that life changing phone call on a warm day in July. That story will start with what it truly was...happiness, excitement, and endless possibilities of a new chapter in life.

*M

5 Things to Know if You are Thinking about Adoption

Last week (in the same day!), I had two different people tell me that they are thinking about adopting.  

My first reaction when someone tells me this is: “YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”  I try really hard to refrain from jumping up and down and hugging them for a good 5 minutes, but I’m always just so excited when people share that they are starting the adoption process.  I know I’m biased but I think adoption is really the best thing ever in the whole wide world. But I also know that it’s a little bit of a scary time full of unknowns and anxiety.  

Rest assured dear friends, we’ve been there before. Those who’ve traveled the adoption road (with all its bumps and hurdles) have survived and arrived (perhaps a little weary) but with words of wisdom to share.  

Looking back almost 2 years (wow!) since Emily was born, here are 5 things I wish someone would have told me:

• Cast a wide net. There are several adoption options (surrogacy, foster care, adoption agency, private attorney….) to choose from. Start by exploring each (reading and talking to others who’ve done it) and then narrow it down to the one that is a good fit for you.
• Start saving now.  Yes, adoption can be expensive. But I was more surprised by little things that popped up that we hadn’t budgeted for (like living in a hotel out of state for 2 weeks!).
• Build your circle of supporters. Adoption is like any other major life event. Sadly, not everyone is going to support you and some people will say (and do) hurtful things.  Keep a few close friends that will truly encourage you along the way.
• Trust your gut. You will be faced with making some really tough decisions. Go with what feels right.  Early on we got a call about another birth family. I wanted so badly to say “yes” to but looking back there were red flags and I’m glad we didn’t.
• There is a plan. God truly does have a perfect plan in His perfect time. Just go with it. It might not be easy at first, but learn to trust Him and accept that nothing we do will change or speed it up!

Adoption changes your life in a way you never expected. At the end of the day, it’s about being a part of something truly amazing. You learn how to open up your heart and home to a little person that makes you look at the world in a whole new way. You love unconditionally and are loved unconditionally. They may not have your eyes or your hair but they have your heart. And it's a beautiful thing.

*M

What Does an Adoption Have to Do With a Boob Job?

Great question! And I'm so glad you asked!

I came across this video yesterday from Rage Against the Minivan and posted on my Facebook page. It has been a huge hit with all my friends and so many people (both those who have adopted and have been adopted) have commented on how accurate and hilarious this is.

But I'll let you be your own judge. Take a look for yourself!

Enjoy!
*M

Beyond "Happy": Sadness Behind the Smile

Adoption is messy, it's heartbreaking and it's humbling. It's very painful at times.  But adoption is beautiful thing.

Most parents, regardless of how their children come into their lives, spend their time preparing. They get the nursery ready, they gather all the cute baby clothes and toys, they read books, they talk to friends. Then the big day arrives and BAM! They realize they were not as prepared as they thought they were. It happens. It's life. And we all figure out our own ways of coping and dealing so that we can be the best parents we can possibly be.

But the adoption experience takes all of those emotions up a notch. I can't tell you how much this article tugged at my heart. I know these emotions all too well because I have experienced many of them first hand. Despite the confusion that comes during what is supposed to be an amazing time, there is hope and comfort.


To all those parents who have "gotten the call" and are now at home with your sweet little one, wondering what in the hell you have gotten yourself in to....guess what. You are not in this alone.  I know, because I've been there. The people in this article have been there. And thousands of other parents who have adopted over the years have been there too.



And since I know you are wanting my unsolicited advise :) here it is....

• Take care of yourself. You are one person doing a tremendous job of raising a little (or big) human being.
• Talk to trusted friends or family members who have been there. In my experience, all parents can be a great support system but those who have gone through the adoption experience are the ones I have found a good shoulder to cry and some encouraging words.
• Guard your family. In a world of over sharing, it's ok to not take about every little bump or challenge you come across during the adoption process or afterwards.  Don't want everyone to know about your five failed IVF treatments? You aren't required to tell them! 
• But, if you are struggling with these feelings and it's interfering with your parenting, work, or life...it's ok to go talk to someone professionally. Once you start therapy, it doesn't necessarily have to go on forever. Sometimes you just need a little time with a trained, objective 3rd party to help make sense of everything.
•  Have faith. Trust me, I know that this is a hard pill to swallow at times, but God has an amazing and perfect plan. He chose this little person just for you. He knows exactly what He is doing and He's going to take care of you during the good times and the tough times.

Every day is not an roller coaster of emotions. For me, weeks go by and I think nothing of it. Then I come across an article, or see something on tv and old feelings resurface. But since this is not a new experience, I'm better equipped with how to manage. I know I just have to trust God, focus on what's best for Emily to clear this hurdle and then I'm ready to focus on the next one.

And for those of you jumping your own adoption hurdles, I'm cheering you on from the sidelines. :)

*M

Just Keep Swimming

Late last night (as I was flipping through Facebook, unable to sleep) I came across a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Jen Hatmaker. She is the mom of two child who were adopted and has penned some amazing, insightful and heartfelt posts about what it all means to her and her family. The post that caught my eye was entitled After the Airport which describes the time after the adoption frenzy and excitement wears off and reality sets in. This line in particular caught my eye:

"You cannot just be into adoption to adopt; you have to be into parenting."

Amen, sister.

I knew that before deciding to adopt. I truly did. I mean, as much as I could know and understand that without having never gone through the adoption process or being a parent. 

Looking back now on the time prior to adoption and our life now with an 18 month old, I realize it's a lot like swimming if you've never done it before. You read about, you see other people do it, and you figure you could give it a try. So you get as prepared as you possibly can, maybe take some classes, and then you put on your swim suit and dive in. That's what adoption is. You dive in. Head first. You are fully committed, whether you were ready or not. Immediately there is a sense of stillness, calmness and almost peacefulness. It's quite and it's beautiful, if you allow yourself to open your eyes. The water feels amazing and you wish you could stay in that moment forever.  Like those moments cuddling your new baby while surrounded by loving and supportive friends who have been with you through the whole process.

Then like an electric shock, panic hits you. You are underwater and you forget what to do. You know you need to get to the surface but you don't know how. Those moments of panic when there's a glitch with the legal paperwork. Or a birth parent contacts you unexpectedly.  Or you are just overwhelmed with all of it, adjusting to becoming a family overnight.  Finally, your brain processes what is happening, you kick your way upwards and taken in a huge and wonderful breath of air. 

You look around and seeing nothing but blue water for miles and decide to start swimming. You try some different strokes until you find one that works best for you. Like parenting, trial and error until you hit a groove. The more you swim, the better you feel. You start to feel more confident and enjoy yourself more. Sure, there are times when you get a side cramp or get tired. But you adjust, maybe even floating for a minute to rest, and continue on your journey. 

Like swimming, we have to be into adoption and parenting. And by being in it, I mean a full commitment. 100%. Clear blue skies or category 4 hurricanes, we committed. When times do get tough (and they will) find someone or something to hold on to when things get rocky: a supportive spouse, caring friends, other families who have adopted. Then just keep swimming and be what you were created to be: an amazing parent. 

*M

Those Questions

If you are considering adopting, you must know that you will get asked many, many questions.  There were questions from our lawyer, from our social worker, from friends, from family and from total strangers. Most questions were easy to answer, others were more difficult. Most questions were harmless, others stung a bit. The adoption process can make you feel very vulnerable and those hurtful questions certainly don't help. My advise? Be prepared. I found that planning how to answer those questions (because they will come) kept me from being so caught off guard. And as tempted as I was at times to reply with a snarky answer, I was able to keep my cool and speak from the heart. Because I wanted (and still want) my life (our life) to be a testimony to others that adoption is AMAZING and AWESOME and YOU should adopt too! :)

Q. "What about her real mom?" You know what they mean. Her birth mom. The woman who carried her for 9 months, gave birth to her and chose you to be the woman to raise her. But the word "real" implies that you are some how a fake, an imposter. 
A. "I think Emily is so lucky to have two moms: her birth mom and me. We are both her real moms and each have a special bond with her."

Q. "You didn't want kids of your own?" Ouch. Especially for someone like me who has two amazing stepsons.  After helping to raise them over the last 6+ years..tell me they aren't my "own."
A. "We decided to grow our family through adoption. We could have chosen to try and have biological children, but felt that we were being called to adopt. I think that no matter how children come into our lives, through birth, adoption or marriage that they are ours to be loved and cared for."

Q. "What are you going to tell Emily about adoption?" 
A. "Um, what's it to you?" See! Those snippy answers start to sneak in!
A. "We think it's important for Emily to know about how she came to be a part of our family. We made her a book about our journey to her. We think it's important to answer her questions and ease her concerns in a way that's age appropriate. She doesn't need to know all the specifics when she's 5 but if she wants to know more about her birth parents when she's 15, Randy and I will both be there to share as much as we know with her."

Q. Which is sometimes followed by: "Wouldn't it be easier not to tell her?"
A. "Yes, and lie to my child? Sure!" Again, snarky answers are not the answer.
A. "I don't want Emily to grow up thinking that adoption is something that shouldn't be discussed or is something to be embarrassed of. By being honest with her from an early age, I hope that she will grow to understand that adoption is amazing and special. And that she is amazing and special and so incredibly loved by so many people."

Q. "Aren't you worried about (fill in the blank) her birth parents contacting you, not knowing medical history, what people will say, etc. etc. etc.?"
A. "Of course! But isn't that what moms do? We all worry about everything all the time. Whether our kids are 1, 5 or 35 we worry! So we do what every other parent has ever done. We learn as much as we can, we do our best to manage it and then at some point we let go and just enjoy life."

So, yeah. It stinks. You have to field crappy, intrusive questions but just know there will probably be some funny questions or comments that come your way. Like the strangers that will tell you as you are feeding a 6 week old baby in public that "you look great!" and they "can't believe you lost the baby weight so fast!" And there will be others that look at you and your husband and your baby and say "she looks so much like you (or him or both of you!" Just smile and say "thank you!" Sure, you could launch into a lengthy answer about adoption, but give yourself a break from always being on the spot. Just enjoy the moment and the blessing that is being a mom.

*M

This Journey Called Motherhood

I originally wrote this with the intent of submitting it in an essay contest for a magazine. I found out about the contest a little too late and couldn't quite get to the required 1,000+ word count. After several days after the deadline and many more modifications, I finally have a version I'm happy with and that's really me. There will be plenty of other contests...:)

My journey to motherhood began with a phone call, immediately followed by a plane ride and 10+ hour car ride across 7 states.  As I look back over the 10 months since my daughter's adoption, I’m still in awe that I’ve made this wonderful journey. I still have the list of things I needed to buy before taking my daughter home from the hospital, including formula, diapers and a pack-and-play. I was utterly underprepared to begin this journey.

As underequipped as I was, I realized I would not be taking this journey alone.  I've found that there are three important groups of travel companions that I’ve met on along the way: those that have made the trip before me, those that travel alongside of me, and those I have left behind.

In the first few weeks of sleep deprivation and spit up soaked clothing, I found comfort in the words of wisdom from those who had lived to tell about it. I looked desperately to my mom, my mother-in-law, and friends with older children for advice. They taught me how to coax out those stubborn burps with a “hiney wiggle”. They encouraged me to call my pediatrician for the 3^rd time in one day to find out why my 4 month old would not stop crying (answer? reflux). They gave me permission to hold my sleeping baby for hours while the dishes sat in the sink and the laundry piled up around me. They fed me (cupcakes that my husband caught me eating at 2am) and shared hand-me-down baby clothes. They never doubted me and always encouraged me. These amazing women gave me confidence. Empowering and uplifting confidence that reassured me that I was a good mom and I was doing the right thing. To those women, thank you. I am forever grateful.

Over the next few months, I found friendship among moms with babies close to the age of my little one. We compared the best baby food (sun dried tomato puffs) while in line at the grocery store. We commiserated about going back to work.  We swapped names of babysitters and comforted each other while we left our screaming, sobbing babies at day care. We laughed at our latest “mommy brain” moments. We went throughout our workday without realizing we had formula on our pants and stashed extra diapers beside business cards in our purses. And we were all fast asleep at 8:30pm every night. These awesome women gave me more than support and giggles, they gave me sanity. Much needed stability and reassurance that I was still a good mom and I was still doing the right thing. To those women, thank you. I am forever grateful.

As I encounter new friends along my motherhood journey, I often find myself thinking about those who have been left behind.  Some have been left behind intentionally and others involuntarily.  I have met those seemingly well-intentioned moms who enjoy sharing parenting styles that differ from mine. At first, the conversations are informative and engaging. But they quickly become a forum for judging and criticizing.  These women gave me more than unnecessary drama, they gave me freedom. Freedom to realize they are unworthy to continue this journey with me because I know I’m a good mom and I know I’m doing the right thing.

Separated at first by distance and then by our own complicated emotions, I had to leave behind my daughter’s birth mother. For reasons unknown, communication between us ceased. She gave my daughter life and I had to help my daughter live it without her.  We remain forever connected but we will not continue this journey together. This woman gave me more than a daughter, she gave me trust. I was a complete stranger and she trusted me because she felt that I would be a good mom and I would do the right thing. To this woman, thank you. I am forever grateful.

These women have made what my motherhood journey is today. They have given me a glimpse of what’s down the road. They have held my hand and walked with me. They have lightened my load and they will not know of my travels.  I have appreciated then, I have enjoyed them, and I have let them go. To these women, thank you. I am forever grateful.

*M

Dear Moms of Adopted Children

Someone recently shared with me a beautiful letter entitled "Dear Moms of Adopted Children" written by Kathy Lynn Harris. I made the mistake of reading it in the middle of Baby Gap. Tears welled up in my eyes and a wave of emotions came over me as I relieved our adoption process. It's so beautifully written and a must read for those who have lived it and for those trying to better understand the ones that have. But when you do read, pick a better location than me and make sure you have some Kleenex nearby.

No One Right Answer

A friend recently told me about the episode of Private Practice that highlighted the subject of adoption. Watching it, I had flashbacks of our adoption and my heart broke as both the adoptive mom and birth mom struggled with their relationship and setting boundaries. It was heartbreaking to watch and at times is even more heartbreaking to live through it. I bonded with Emily's birth mother immediately. The first time I spoke with her was over the phone on our way to Ohio. Emily had just been born and she wanted to learn more about our family. We chatted and laughed like we'd known each other forever. The last time I saw her was the day we left the hospital. We hugged and promised to stay in touch. I cried. It was harder than I expected to leave her. I think about her often although I have not heard from her since. I've sent pictures but no response. Part of me didn't expect her to write back but part of me worries and wonders how she is doing. I think another tiny part of me wonders if we will ever hear from her. And after all that time of not talking, what will our relationship be like? Will we pick up where we left off? Will she still think she make the right decision? Will she be proud of Emily and happy about the life she's living with us? Until the day comes when we have those answers, I will continue to send pictures and write in the baby book she asked me to put together for her.

Earlier this week, I saw on the Today Show a story about two friends who met and found out they are actually brothers! Through a series of events, the two had been living with different families and connected at camp. In the story, one of the boys (12) did not know he wad adopted and when he asked his adopted mom, both broke down in tears. The adoptive mom shared she knew she had to tell him but didn't know when or how. When I first heard this story, I was so touched and so happy for both these boys! How cool to find out you have a brother and he's your best friend. My second thought was one of puzzlement. I wondered why the adoptive mom had not told her son the truth about his life. And to be honest, it was upsetting to me for him to find out this way. Even before we adopted Emily, I knew I wanted my child to know from the start that they were adopted. After meeting Emily's birth family, I wanted that even more. I want her to know about them and not live with unanswered questions or incorrect assumptions about them. I want her to be proud to be adopted because it's something that makes her special! We read adoption books to her now and when the time comes, we will talk about the family that brought her into the world, the family that she's a part of now and how extremely important are.

These two scenarios are not uncommon in the world of adoption. It's so easy to pick sides and decide who's right and who's wrong. But no one is right or wrong. How could you blame a woman who wants to be in the life of the child she gave birth to? And how could you fault the adoptive mom who's fearful of how that relationship will impact the one she has with her child?  Who's to say when or how parents should talk to their child about their adoption? There is no right or easy answer. We can't be so quick to judge when we hear these stories on tv or in real life. And for those of us living in these scenarios, we must go easy on ourselves. As long as we are doing what's in the best interest of our little one, we're doing just fine and we are going to be ok.

*M

The Story of Emily Grace Branham

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm posting a story I wrote Emily about how she came to be ours. I'm ever so thankful for the wonderful blessing that is our daughter. :)

There were once two people who loved each other very much. Their names were Randy and Megan. One day they decided to get married. Not long after, they decided to add to their family by adopting a baby girl.

They read adoption books, met with a social worker, talked to a nice lawyer and signed lots of papers. Then they waited. Megan-the Mommy-started putting together a nursery and buying baby clothes.

One day in July, Randy-the Daddy-got a call that there was a baby who had just been born in Ohio and the lawyer wanted to know if they wanted to adopt her.  That day Mommy was in Florida for work and Daddy was at home in South Carolina. They had to make a decision fast. They talked and prayed and said-YES!

Mommy tried to fly to Ohio but bad weather canceled her flight. Daddy picked her up and they drove 9 hours through the night to get to you. They had nothing ready for a baby so they stopped at Wal-Mart at 5:30 in the morning and bought diapers, wipes, formula and a few tiny clothes.

They were so tired but finally made it to the  hospital. The doctor and nurse told them how healthy you were. They were so excited when they finally met you and held you in their arms.  You were very small, only 5 pounds and 17 inches long.

You were so tiny that you stayed in the hospital for 3 days. Your Mommy and Daddy spent every moment they could with you feeding and holding you. They talked to you and told you how much they loved you. When it was almost time to go home, the nurses had to make sure you were big enough to ride in a car seat. You got a little stressed and the nurses had to put you on a monitor to watch your heart and breathing. It was a scary time for your Mommy and Daddy, but like the strong baby you were, you were feeling better in a few short hours.

On the day you left the hospital, your Mommy and Daddy gave you a bath and put your new clothes on. They hugged all the wonderful nurses and doctors and said goodbye. They hugged your birth mom and birth dad and tried not to cry. Your birth parents loved you so much they picked your Mommy and Daddy to take care of you because they knew you would have an amazing life. Your Mommy and Daddy will always be grateful to them for giving them the best gift they could ever have.

You spent the next 10 days in 3 different hotels with your Mommy and Daddy while everything was being worked out to bring you home.  Everyone you met was so nice and offered to help this new family. Things weren't always easy during that time, but God took care your Daddy, your Mommy and you.

When the day finally came to travel home to South Carolina, everyone was so excited! Your Mommy and Daddy drove all day through 3 states until they finally made it home! When they got there, your brothers and Grandmother and Papa were waiting for you.

In the days that followed, you met so many new people!  Friends and family were so excited to see you. They had prayed for you for a long time. You had lots of baby showers and were given many wonderful gifts. You were spoiled from the start!

On October 29, 2012, your Mommy and Daddy went to family court. You were with them while they talked to a judge and answered lots of questions. On that special day, you officially became Emily Grace Branham. You were loved from the moment your Mommy and Daddy saw you and will forever be their little girl.

Happy Adoption Day!

Things have been so busy lately that I haven't had the chance to post about our adoption day!

We got up Sunday morning and drove to Lake Lure, NC. I love the area and it's just so beautiful this time of year. After lunch at one of our favorite places, we took Emily to the Lake Lure Inn (where we got married). The temperature started dropping so we only had time for a few quick pictures before we bundled up and drove to an apple orchard. On the way there, it started raining and Emily fell asleep. We grabbed some warm apple cider and a bushel of apples and continued on our way. Randy and I really enjoyed driving through the mountains looking at the leaves changing and reflecting on good memories. We've taken countless trips together to the mountains (it's one of our favorite places to go) and it was nice to be able to take Emily along and create new memories.

We drove from Lake Lure back in to South Carolina to Greenville. We checked into our hotel and settled in for the evening. Being at the hotel brought back so many memories of our first weeks with Emily in Ohio. It was nice to know that this time we only had to stay for one night! After changing into our pjs, Emily and Randy settled in to watch a little "Tangled". For some reason, Disney movies and music always calm her down when she is fussy. She is her daddy's girl, after all. :)

 

We woke up early the next morning to get ready for family court. I told Randy I was more nervous than I was the first time we went to the hospital to meet Emily. I think because we had known about the court date for  weeks instead of it being a quick, surprise trip to Ohio! We checked out of the hotel and made it to court with time to spare. I tried to feed Emily in the car in the parking lot in hopes of her lasting through the hearing without getting fussy. But she was tired and only took a little of her bottle before passing out. After walking through metal detectors we finally made it in the court house lobby and met the guardian ad litum. She was so nice and has adopted children of her own. She told us the story of her (at the time) young son who was confused by a discussion at school where babies come from. He wad adamant that babies come straight to your house because their daughter was brought to them by their lawyer and DSS case worker. :)  Our lawyer was out of town but we met his partner who was wonderful. They each had a turn holding Emily and agreed out of all the cases they've done over the years, that God just doesn't make ugly adopted babies.

 

Our time came to enter the courtroom so we made our way towards the doors. We were about to go in when the bailiff asked us to wait outside while the judge finished up from the case just prior to ours. The attorney was holding Emily while we waited and we were soon ushered back into the courtroom. Our lawyer walked right in holding a fast asleep Emily and walked right up to talk to the judge. Randy got such a kick out of the fact that Emily was "already approaching the bench."

 

 

The hearing got underway and we each took turns on the stand answering questions about our marriage and Emily. The questions were a bid odd (like "yes, we do understand that adoption is permanent." Are there parents that don't?!?!) but there were only a few and the hearing was over in a matter of minutes. We snapped a quick picture with the judge and we were done! We got congratulations all around and the lawyer gave us info about getting Emily's birth certificate and final paper work. That part was all a blur and I'm glad we have pictures to remember it by!

 

After a quick outfit change for all (in the car in the parking lot, no less!) we made our way to a local park. We had an appointment with the woman who photographed our wedding (and adopted mom to four!) to do do our first family photo shoot! The weather was beautiful, although chilly, and we got some great shots. I would show you, but I want to keep them a surprise because they are going to be our Christmas cards! But I will show you Emily after the photo session. It's such tough work being so cute.

 

The whole weekend was such a memorable one. Every day I am reminded how blessed I am when I see her smiling face. I knew I would love being a mom but I never in a million years knew how much joy she would bring us. And it's great that she is finally "ours" and offically a Branham!

 

 

3 Months

Wow. Here we are with a 3 month old baby girl! I know all parents say it, but SERIOUSLY: where has the time gone?! Didn't we just meet our tiny baby girl? Wasn't she just in newborn clothing?

Highlights for month three:

• Baby girl is 11 lbs 10 oz and mama has officially thrown out her back lifting her up. I'm walking around like a 29 year old grandma. Not cute or fun. :(
• She's gotten her first cold, thanks daycare! I knew this would happen eventually and not stressing about it. We've had a few scary moments where she's started coughing, then choking. I don't think I've ever gotten out of bed so fast but of course she was fine 3 seconds later. And, I can officially suction her nose like a pro. Yay, me!
• She is still one chatty and smiley baby. I love that she will coo and then when I start talking, she stops like she's listening to what I'm saying.  When she first wakes up and when she goes to bed are her two favorite times to talk to us.
• She's started doing this hilarious thing where she has this throaty chuckle when you take her clothes off to change in to her pjs. She only does it one time after you take her arm out of her sleeve. I've tried to get it on video but she clams up when she sees my phone!
• She is starting to grab her blanket and toys and pull them up to her mouth. She has a small stuffed elephant that I usually leave in her car seat. the other day, I handed him to her and she grabbed him by the ear and started rubbing his head. The best part was the serious look she had on her face, like: "what in the world is this thing and how are my hands moving like that?"
• She has also become pretty squirmy. Now that she can move her arms and hands more, she likes to "hold" her bottle. Which is all kinds of cute but since her coordination still isn't great, makes feeding time a challenge. In trying to grab the bottle, she usually ends up knocking it out of her mouth then starts kicking her legs and squirming because she's mad she's not eating. It's quite a vicious cycle.
• We've had 1, count 'em ONE, night that she slept from 9pm to 6am! Praying more nights like that are in the near future.

3 months old also means we are so very close to finalizing the adoption. Our court date is set for the 29th and we're ready! Hoping to take some family pictures that weekend because we don't have any pictures of the 3 of us.  So slack, I know. But I'm working on it! Which now means I need to work on my roots before the big photo shoot. One more thing on the mommy's to-do list!
*M

Baby girl Branham

I recently found this letter I wrote on December 27, 2011. 7 months and 1 week later, we met our baby girl for the first time. Some day very soon I will write about the crazy and amazing journey that led us to her.  God is so very good. :)

Hi sweet baby girl,
I think about you all the time. I wonder when you will be a part of this family. I wonder what you will look like. We've been busy getting your nursery ready. It looks so cute! I cannot wait to bring you home and put you in your new crib. Your daddy fusses at me for buying so many baby things already. He says "wait until we get her." But I keep finding such cute things, I just can't help myself. And they are always on sale, so he can't be too upset.
2011 is almost over. I just know 2012 is going to be the year that we get to meet you.  We started this process a long time ago. We started talking about adopting before we even got married. We both wanted a baby and felt that adoption was for us. It was just in our hearts.
In October, we met with a lawyer to talk about adoption. I liked him immediately. We signed the paper work and officially started in November. This is just the beginning. I know this a long road full of unexpected twists and turns. But God has a plan for us and it's a perfect one! We will keep praying and trusting in Him. He has picked you to be our baby and us to be your mommy and daddy.

We love you with all our hearts,
Your Mommy

Paper Pregnant

Yes, we are adopting! And let me tell you...in the last 2 years (since we really being thinking seriously and planning to adopt) I have learned so much. And I am STILL learning!

For me, there are 6 important things everyone should know about adoption:

1. Every family decides to  adopt for different reasons. We chose to adopt instead of trying to have a biological child together. Early in our marriage we found ourselves at a fork in the road. We knew once we started down one, there was no going back. We felt that, for us, adoption was the right answer. It's important to understand that everyone comes to adoption in different ways with very different emotions. Some women may feel hurt because their bodies "let them down" by not allowing them to carry a baby for 9 months. While a completed adoption is usually a wonderful and positive experience, many people arrived there through much hurt and frustration.

2. Adoption is tough. No matter what brings people to adoption or how they go about it-international or domestic, infant or older child, DSS or private adoption-it's rough. Lots and lots of paperwork. Our kitchen table is a mountain of paperwork. We've outlined our financials ("wow, we really should save more money!"), figured out where and how to get finger printed without committing a crime (warning- if you are adopting it may seem at times easier to go that route than try to get figure printed as an outstanding member of the community-but DO not do it!), to destroying our nicely cleaned pre-home study visit house trying to locate my original birth certificate (seriously, where is that thing?!?!).

3. The questions are never ending. We get questions all the time about where we are in the process.  Usually it's "Have you heard anything?" or "Do you know yet?" or as our little niece said "When you gonna get that girl?!".  People who are adopting will be questioned by a social work or child health worker on their relationships, their parenting style (hello-I don't have a kid yet how would I know?!?!), their health history...and the list goes on. Although frustrating at times, I know these questions are necessary to ensure we are providing our little one with a safe and happy home. And it reminds me that we are surrounded by people that care and are thinking about us.

4. Be understanding. I often feel like I'm living day by day. Hey, I may wake up tomorrow and have a baby! Being pregnant on paper is exciting but brings about many mixed emotions and at times, comfort eating (I can gain weight even if I'm not carrying the baby, right?). It's scary to not have a day care lined up or know what you are going to do about taking time off work. I feel (and probably look) frazzled at times trying to juggle all of this. So be gentle with us!

5. Birth moms are not bad (or scary).  No, they are not all drug addicts or teenagers. They are women. Women who got pregnant and decided they could not or did not want to raise their child. So they made a conscious decision to carry their baby to term and then give this baby's life over to someone who could take care for and raise them. Birth moms are human. And they deserve to be applauded and not condemned or judged. And by the way-both of us are moms. One of us is a birth mom and one of us is an adoptive mom. The phrase "real mom" is hurtful so just don't use it, ok?

6. Adoption is love. Despite the ups and downs, I'm not going to be thinking about all the paperwork or tears of frustration when I'm holding that bundle of joy in my arms. When it's all said and done, we will be a family with all the love to give and receive just like every other family ever created.


Maybe you know nothing about adoption and this has helped you learn more about it.  Or may be you have adopted and have your own list of things you'd like to share. Either way, please leave your comments below. I have met so many wonderful people through this process and they've really encouraged and inspired. Perhaps this blog can connect a few more people in this way.

If you are thinking about adopting, I would encourage you to read these two books:
Called to Adoption and Baby We Were Meant for Each Other
Both are quick reads but incredibly powerful and touching!

*M