Paint in My Wedding Rings

It's happening. After 1 day on the market, our house sold. We are moving. Moving from the first house we lived in as newlyweds and the home Emily has grown up in. It's bittersweet. Sometimes I get a little teary thinking about leaving. It's been almost 10 years since Randy purchased our house and there are so many memories, too many to name but all hold a special place in my heart.

After a weekend of painting and sprucing up, I looked down at my hands while at work and noticed I had paint stuck to my wedding rings. I chuckled as I thought about how hard we have worked to get to this point-both to have our house on the market and as our life as a couple. How lucky I am go to through life with a partner who is as dedicated to me as I am to him and is committed to making a good life for our family.

We've cried, laughed and fought our way to where we are now. It's been quite a journey and who knows were God will take us next (especially considering that as I type this, we have yet to find a home to buy). Wherever it is, I know we will be alright and brighter days are still ahead.

Farewell, good house.

The Grasp of Your Hand

Last month, the 18 month journey of my Leadership for State Based Advocates came to an end. I cannot begin to articulate how challenging, reaffirming, rewarding, inspiring, difficult, and life changing the experience was. That's probably for another post. 

In our last session, we were given several beautiful gifts by the Annie E. Casey Foundation, most of them leadership books. One of those books is entitled Leading from Within: Poetry that Sustains the Courage to Lead. I was straightening up my office earlier today and opened the book to a page that contained the words below. They are inspiring and timely for me and may be for you as well.

The Grasp of Your Hand

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,

but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,

but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.
Grant me that I may not be a coward, feeling Your mercy in my success alone; 
but let me find the grasp of Your hand in my failure.

-Rabindranath Tagore 

*M

Hello, 2016

A new year and a new look for the blog!

Wishing you love and peace and happiness in 2016.

*M

2016 is Around the Corner

I made a comment to Randy the other day that I couldn't believe it was almost 2017. Apparently in my mind, we are already into 2016! The reality is, it's not that far away.

Looking back at my most recent post (June!), it's clear that the later part of 2015 has been a bit of a whirlwind. South Carolina as a state has been through a lot.  It was a very emotional first part of the summer with the loss of 9 lives in the Mother Emanuel AME massacre. Shock. Horror. Raw grief. That's all I felt for weeks as I watched colleagues and legislators deeply mourn the loss of such precious lives. The confederate flag debate that followed was inevitable and ultimately has brought a piece of healing that's long overdue.  And then, just a few weeks ago, the flooding that devastated lives across the state opened up new wounds. But, true to SC form, people rallied and supported each other in amazing ways.  While we are certainly not completely recovered, we've manged to get through together.

Life at the Branham household has been blur. Time moved quickly, a wedding, big birthdays celebrated, memories made. Work kept us busy but not so busy so that we couldn't enjoy a trip to the beach and Disney. Emily has gotten bigger and continues to amaze me with her sweet, smart self.  Randy struggled a bit with some health issues but I think is finally on the right path for healing. We still struggle with finding a balance at work at home.  There were highs and lows but all in all, I'm leaving 2015 in a good place.

The end of one year and the beginning of a new one is always a little bittersweet.  I have regrets from 2015 and hopes for 2016. It's hard to not look back and be disappointed by things that did not happen but also be amazed by the things that did. It's exciting to dream big for what's to come. I feel so far from where I've been and what I've done in the last 12 month. But it's time to go because I cannot come back here again.  Farewell, 2015.

Adoption Month: This Says It All

All the feels.

Blue Apron: A Review

I was introduced to Blue Apron by a colleague and after receiving a discounted offer (thanks Zulily!), thought I'd give it a try.  As you know from one of my recent posts, I am all about making life easier through online shopping. And my parents were in town this weekend so I had a captive audience.  I got home Thursday after work and a cute Blue Apron box was waiting at the door. I unpacked immediately and all food was still cold (impressive).

I tried two recipes over the course of the weekend and here are my take aways in a quick pro/con list:

Pros

Super easy to order online 

All ingredients are measured out 

Meals took less than 30 mins to prep

Instructions were super easy to follow (with pictures!) 

They were delicious

Different (or variation) of meals we would normally eat

Not having to answer question "what's for dinner?" 

Gave me confidence in preparing a meal (I hate to cook!)

You can skip weeks or sub out meal choices

Cons

I found it to be a bit pricey

We only had a few or no leftovers (which might be a pro for some)

I ended up preparing a few additional sides to have enough food (but easy things like fruit or extra veggie)

If you have a picky eater, this is not the meal plan service for you

One of the meals we got was BBQ chicken (which is something I already make) 

I spent more time in the kitchen than I thought I would prepping and then cooking 

While the cons list was smaller the pricing and picky eater issue outweighed the pros. I might consider doing it again if we had guests or a crazy busy week. 

My advice would be to give it a try (especially if you have a promo code. On their website you can get two free meals with your first order!) and let me know what thou think.

I have to share my proudest moment...salmon with noodles and long green beans. So pretty and so good!

Why I Can't Do Cancer Fundraisers

A few weeks ago, a horrible story came out that founders of a certain "non-profit" raised money under the guise of helping individuals with cancer, only to spend money on elaborate trips for themselves.

How sick and disgusting.

There are countless honest, worthy non-profits out there doing amazing work to fund cancer research and support families. 

I've supported those organizations myself by buying baked goods, running races, and contributing to the fundraising efforts of others.   At times, I feel like I am constantly inundated with asks to support these charities. Sometimes, I just can't. And not financially.

It's always tough to see families celebrate loved ones winning their battle with cancer. A part of me will always struggle with that because we have no winning battles to celebrate in our family. In a few weeks, Lauren will have not been with us for 5 whole years. She would have been starting to drive now. Ralph never saw his grandson get married and has a granddaughter who will only remember him through photographs. 

In my head I know contributing to fill-in-the-blank cancer charity will ultimately spare someone else from that devastating loss,  it's tough to reconcile in my heart.

So, if the next time you ask and I don't respond, please understand.

*M

Short Cuts for Busy Moms

My last post was at the end of April and was basically just an acknowledgement of how crazy life is these days. Not much has changed since then but I've wised up a bit and want to a few things that have really helped me to managing this hectic life as a busy-working-out-of-the-home-mama.

The answer is quite simple. Online shopping.

Seriously.

I spend most of my days managing my professional life via a computer or other electronic device. So it only make sense to try it for my life after 5pm Monday-Friday.  I don't have time to run all over town doing errands and who wants to spend their weekend doing that?!

Here are the top websites that have repeatedly saved me time and money on things we need:

Zulily 
Zulily has the cutest kid clothing, possibly ever. Every day they post new deals with great brands (including toys and home furnishings). I've found it to be a great place to buy Emily's shoes. The down side is it always seems like it takes FOREVER to ship and no returns. Warning: downloading the app is super dangerous to your wallet. Because everything is so. stinking. adorable.

Groupon
I used Groupon when it first came out but kind of lost interest in it after awhile. I got back into it recently because I've found great deals in the "Goods" section.  For instance, I have been looking for black legging capris for the longest time. A quick search on Groupon, and I found a 3 pack for less than $15 in a week. Exactly what I wanted. Bonus on Groupon, you can return most things AND great place to find deals on local restaurants. We buy half off gift certificates for restaurants we visit often and it takes the guess work out of the "what's for dinner" decision at 4:45pm.

Amazon
Love me some Amazon! Everything from trying new beauty/fitness items I see recommended in Women's Health to finding obscure items that you can't find anywhere else (like the original "Parent Trap" movie. Yes, I wanted it and yes, I found it on Amazon).  Great varied selection and try Amazon Prime to get free two-day shipping. Ya know, for those times you procrastinate ordering your daughter a leotard for her new ballet class and need one like, next week. But who would do that?

Shutterfly
Finally. Now I know what to do with the 800 pictures taking up storage on my phone. Make cute stuff out of them on Shutterfly!  Creative ideas and designs...there's so much to chose from. I've done personalized note pads, photo books of family vacations, and Emily's latest birthday invites. They have good promo codes and quick shipping!

Your Local Grocery Store
Hopefully you are lucky enough to have one of these bad boys in your neighborhood. Grocery stores that let you pick up curb side...or even better, deliver online. Piggly Wiggly is that place for me. Just off the interstate on the way home from work and the BEST service.  I have been waiting in-between meetings and ordered my groceries online. For real. They always call to let me know if they need to substitute an item I've requested and have added items for me after I called because I forget to select them online (like, say a 6pk of Corona and lime after a long, long, long day).  No more waking up baby to run in and grab milk or fighting a toddler grocery store tantrum.

There is a new online service I'm trying and will have to keep you posted. I got a discounted offer (through Zulily) for Blue Apron. All the ingredients you need for full meals shipped right to your home. You can select what types of food you do and do not eat, select how many people you want it to serve and when you want it delivered.  My parents are in town next weekend and they are going to by my guinea pigs for this one.

If you have time/money saving tips, I'd love to hear them. It's always nice to find new ways to make these hectic days a little bit more manageable and to spend that extra free time just enjoying family time.

Happy shopping!
*M

Life These Days

It’s 7:47pm on a Tuesday night. I’m still wearing my work clothes. But have traded the high heels for bare feet.  My hair is long overdue for a cut and color. I’m on my second glass of wine. Dishes are piling up in the sink and the laundry has been neglected. The time since we got home from hectic work days has been such a blur. Soccer ball kicking, swinging high in the backyard, neighbor chatting, work e-mail checking, leftovers reheating, Modern Family watching, Let it Go singing, bath time playing. 

It's hard to imagine by life before these moments. And it’s hard to impinge them without them. 

The days are a blur and they are long. They are exhausting and try my patience. They are filled with love and warmth and lots of giggles.

My house is a mess and my to-do list is shot.

But it’s ok. I’m doing alright. I’m raising a beautiful, sweet little girl. I’m supporting a loving spouse who gives back 10x what I give. I’m a working mom who’s doing her best to make a difference in the lives of others. 

These moments are fleeting. I will make it through today and so will you. Tomorrow will come and we will do it again. And we’ll look back in a few years and be relieved that we survived these moments and proud of what we accomplished in them. 

But for tonight, let’s unplug for a minute, cuddle up with those who hold our hearts, and soak up these fleeting moments. 

*M

10 Years and 10,000 Memories

Last weekend, we loaded up the car and made the trek to Wilmington for my 10 year college reunion. 10 years. It seems like a lifetime and a blink of an eye.

When we got there, we were joined by three of my closest college friends. We keep in touch via regular e-mails but the four of us have not all been together in several years. They are the kind of friends that everything easily falls into place when we are around each other. It's like we've never been apart for more than a day.

The four of us got to know each other working in Housing and Residence Life at UNCW. We spent countless hours together in trainings, dealing with undergraduate shenanigans (like the time the boys on my hall managed to flood the entire 4th floor), and kept each other company during late night/early morning front desk duty. We worked hard and we partied harder. (We were in college. That's what you are supposed to do!) We did silly things. They made me laugh harder than anyone else could.   And they loved me even when it was hard for me to love myself.  No guy ever came between us and we didn't have time (or patience) for pettiness. We supported, encouraged and stood up for each other.

Ten years of post college experience have taught me that friendships like that don't come along every day. These are women who have really shaped the person I've become since college. Each of them have contributed to pieces of what feels like the complete puzzle that makes up me. I've learn from them that there is a softness to being tough, that true commitment to making family a priority is not always easy, and how to be comfortable in my own skin.  I owe a tremendous amount to these women.

I'm looking forward what the next 10 years has in store for us.

Then....

And now.

Hello 2015 and Hello Puerto Rico!

It's been an amazing start to the new year. I enjoyed almost two weeks at home over the holidays visiting with family, resting, eating and playing with Emily! I came back to work refreshed and re-energized.

This past week I had a disruption in my "normal" work schedule. I have probably mentioned before, but I am fortunate to have been chosen as a policy fellow with the Annie E. Casey Foundation. Every other month, I meet with 14 other advocates across the country to discuss how we can better  use child well-being data to drive policy and results. This program will last until February 2016 and each time we will travel to a different city/state where the participants live and work. Luckily for us, one of our classmates lives in PR. So on Monday, I left freezing cold and rainy South Carolina for warm and sunny San Juan, Puerto Rico! 

Most of the week was spent in a hotel conference room over looking the ocean. Inspiring but also a little frustrating because here we were working hard and the beach was RIGHT there! But on Wednesday, we got out of our little container on a bus. We ventured about 45 minutes east from San Juan to Loiza to visit the Boys and Girls Club of Loiza. The trip there showed a stark comparison of the fancy tourist areas to the real life, impoverished areas of the island. 

At the center we had a tour of the beautiful center and participated in a data walk (child well-being data is printed on large posters on the meeting room walls. Participants walk around the room and discuss their observations and reflections on the data). In terms of child well-being, it’s one of the worst areas in Puerto Rico: 60% of children under the age of 5 live in poverty, the infant mortality rate is 9 per 1,000 births, 63 out of 1,000 children are victims of child maltreatment and almost 47% of children are being raised solely by grandparents.  After the data walk, we had the chance to talk with the Executive Director as well as teens at the club. There were three things that struck me:

1. Eduardo, the Executive Director, is passionate and has been instrumental in taking the Boys and Girls club from 30 staff and almost to the point of having to close their doors due to lack of funding to more than 300 staff and 11 clubs across the island. But he said, despite the success they have had with the club and the programs they provide, he has seen things in his community get worse not better. It was his realization that these programs alone are not enough. It takes passionate people willing to come together to advocate for wide spread change that will improve these numbers and the lives of these children. Passion and also a little bit of faith. 

2.   The similarities in both the data and in talking with teens. I could have easily been sitting in a Boys and Girls club in South Carolina. The personal stories, the challenges, the desire to connect and belong, and the hope for a better future resonant regardless of our geographic location.

3.  One of my colleague on the trip said it so well “the kids are alright, it’s everything around them that is not.” Shaqui, one of the 16 year olds we talked to, wanted us to take back and tell others that “they (the teens) are ok. We have friends, we do normal teen things. We like art and we are happy.” They don’t all see (as we see looking in) the poverty that they are born into or the lack of opportunity that may lie ahead of them. It’s our responsibility to tell their improve the systems around them.

It's hard to leave a place like this without my eyes being opened a little wider and forever feeling changed. I'm grateful for the experience and returned to South Carolina a little emotional but with a renewed passion and a full cup. The challenges are tough and the solutions aren't easy.  It's up to all of us, as advocates, to find them and make this world, whatever area we find ourselves in, better off by us having been there. 

*M

Why I Stopped Saying "I'm Busy"

It's become almost an automatic response to the question "how are you?"

"I'm busy!"

"We are just so busy!"
"It's just a busy time of year!"

I don't question the validity of those statements for a second. And I wholeheartedly agree 100%.

But it's getting on my nerves.

Why? Well, for starters it's not unique to any one person. It's become so much of a norm in our lives that it almost doesn't deserve mention. It goes without saying.

And I think people use it as an "out." It's become an excuse for not returning a phone call, responding to an e-mail, taking on an extra project or attending an event. Yes, I've had my fair share of moments where I have forgotten one (or all) of the above items because I've been busy. But using as a preemptive strike? Not cool.

What's at the root of busy schedules? Is it because we are overworked parents? Or because we are caring for a sick loved one? Do we have too much on our plates between family, work and volunteer activities? If yes....then let's say so! Let's start being honest, truly honest, with each other in our exchanges. Let's tell each other flat out, "I'm interested but I cannot make that a top priority right now but I can get it to you in the next two weeks." Or "No, I'm sorry. I cannot committee to one more thing but here's what I can do." Or "I'm really struggling right now with (fill in the blank). I know this is important to you and I will do the best I can do to meet your expectations."

Can we all just agree, in 2015, to acknowledge we are all busy without having to actually say it? Or if we must say it, to not use the phrase so flippantly? I'm truly looking for a honest answer to the question "how are you?"; it's why I asked in the first place.

Can we start being a little bit more genuine (and gentle) with each other in this new year? I think we'll find we become a little less "busy" when we take moments to better understand and connect with each other. Our "busyness" is relative and temporary, as is everything else in life. Let's not waste time on empty statements. Let's make our daily exchanges more meaningful.  I think in doing so we will gain more that we ever imagined.

*M

Christmas Adventures with Emily

Everything is an adventure with a toddler. I have come to realize this. Even the most mundane of activities (say, brushing one's teeth) will probably include a myriad of emotions, will take twice as long as you might think it should to complete, and will leave you tired, frazzled and asking yourself "WHY must we go through this?!" 

Special activities (say, picking out a Christmas tree or going to see Santa) are the above scenario times...say 100. Ok, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. Times 99.

Case in point: deciding to take a toddler to pick out a real, live Christmas tree. "Oh, it will be fun!" you think. "Just like my childhood! And we will get cute pictures of her dressed up around all the trees and can use them for a Christmas card!"

And let's say you do manage to get her all dressed up and she only has one tantrum while tree shopping (SWEET!). But all your pictures end up as one of two versions.

This....

 Or this....

Ok, clearly we are done here. Let's just pick the last tree we see and call it a day.

Since we clearly didn't learn the first time, we decided our next adventure should be to make the obligatory trip to the mall to see Santa.  And I was prepared with a plan. We were going to go after work on a Wednesday to avoid the long lines. And I brought a change of clothes with me so she wouldn't have to wear her pretty dress up clothes all day long.  We made it through the afternoon traffic to the mall, successfully changed clothes (in the car, but whatever) and got in a relatively short line to see Santa.

All good, right? Um, not so much. Apparently "Santa's helpers" that work during the week are...shall we say....less efficient than the weekend crew. With no more than 20 families in front of us we waited almost one hour. One hour, people! And since we came straight from work, I was still in heels. Standing. For one hour. Holding (for most of the time) a 30 lb toddler. Why oh why??!?!

We finally made it up to Santa...after lots of rolling around on the floor, eating graham crackers and chatting up other toddlers in line around us (who were amazingly well behaved AND strapped in their strollers).  Now, I knew this Santa thing was probably not gonna go down as planned. I figured (because she she FREAKED. OUT. last year) she would not be crazy about him this year. But ever the optimist, I hoped it would be different because had been talking about him and she was another year older.

She shyly walked up and said "hi". He asked her what she wanted to for Christmas and she said "toys." (Girl of few words) We asked if she wanted to sit and talk with Santa she said "no" but did go in for a .5 second hug. He handed her a Rudolph book, she blew him a kiss and that was all she wrote.

One hour. For that.

I almost burst into tear. Ridiculous. But we waited all that time and didn't get a single picture. (Randy's response, by the way, was "well, at least she saved us $30." And yes, it's truly not worth traumatizing my child for a $30 photo package of memories.)

I looked down and Emily and she was happily skipping along in her Christmas outfit, looking at her new book and excitedly talking about her meeting with Santa. She was so excited, this was the best picture of her:

I asked her what she wanted to do next and all she wanted was to ride the mall carousel and "da bus":

There's the look of joy I was hoping for! Pure happiness right there. And all I could think was, "ya know. Do your thing, sister." She was happy, I was happy. So what if we didn't do exactly what we hoped we would be able to do. That's part of life and that is especially part of life as a parent. And in the end, we got an amazing Christmas tree, a fun family outing at the mall and a few random, funny Christmas memories.Which is a win as far as I'm concerned!

Wishing you and yours the happiest (and maybe even funniest) of holiday memories!
 
*M

Christmas Crafts for Toddlers (Our Version)

It's December which means Christmas is right around the corner! Hip hip HOORAY! I love this time of year. (And yes, I know I say that about every time of the year. But it's TRUE!)

We spent last weekend putting up Christmas decorations and had a blast. Emily loved putting ornaments on the tree but it's becoming increasingly difficult to convince her to leave them on the tree. And I doubt she will be interested in taking them off when New Years rolls around and it's time to clean up.

I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and a friend posted a link to two blog posts 20 Fun Toddler Christmas Activities and 20 Cute Christmas Crafts for Toddlers. Both were exactly what appeals to me as a parent: a great collection of arts and crafts activities to engage little ones in fun and learning.  There were a few on the lists I wasn't sure about (like, is it safe for children to play with Epsom salt?) and a few that looked easy and fun (the wall Christmas tree and holiday hand wreath).

Last night, I decided I would try out the holiday hand wreath. Because, ya know, what time better to do an arts and crafts activity than after a long day at work and day care?! But we had finished an early dinner (thanks to a wonderful husband who started cooking as soon as he got home) and it wasn't quite bed time.

You know those "nailed it" Pinterest memes? The ones with the cute Pinterest pics of bunny shaped biscuits beside a pic of someones best attempt that look more like possessed demons? Yep, that'd be me. 

Bless sweet Laura from Lalymom for guiding moms like me through activities like this. Because as much as I want to be that mom, I just think it's beyond some of us. Her suggestions were awesome but we successfully missed the mark on all of them.

Since I could not locate my phone to snap pictures of the tornado that was this craft activity, allow me to replay my internal-that-is-almost-always-external dialogue as I walked Emily through what should have been the simplest of steps:

"Ok, it looks like we need a paper plate. Do we have one of those? I probably should have thought of this before we started. Oh yeah! In the china cabinet!" (And yes, I get the irony here.)

"Dang! A paper plate is really hard to cut!"

"Ok, there we go. Emily, please don't touch the scissors."

"Emily, do not touch the pen. That's Mommy's. Here, hold the paper."

"Ok, Emily let's do your hand prints! Wait wait....come back! We are making a surprise present for Daddy!"
(I have learned that the words "surprise", "daddy" and "present" are magic words that get Emily to comply with just about any request. If you are able to use all three in a sentence, jackpot.)

"We don't have a glue stick. I guess a glue bottle will work? I dunno. I really should have planned ahead."

"Laura says: 'remember to allow the child to do the steps they can do.' Hm, what steps are those exactly? I will not be overbearing and try and 'fix' Emily's work. This is her's to make."

After managing to cut out red and green hands, we attempted to put them on the plate. "Emily, let's put your hand here. Ok, Mommy is going to hold the glue...."  ("WAAAAAAHHHH" from Emily) "Ok, Mommy will hold the glue with you."

Emily put exactly 5 hands on the plate and decided she was done and ran off the rest of the paper hands.

I peaked her curiosity and she came back to the table when I finally found some gift wrap ribbon (again, plan head MEGAN!). She proceeded to unravel the entire roll as I was attempting to paste the rest of the hands on the plate. (Well, I tried to let her do it by myself. I really did!)

Sigh.

"Ok, Emily! Almost done. Help Mommy put the ribbon here and here! Just a little piece and you can have the rest, I promise!!"

After tapping ribbon on the back to hang the wreath (yes, went off script but who is honestly surprised at this point), Emily proudly ran over to Randy and said "Daddy! I made you pwesant!"

There it is. The moment I was hoping for.

Randy oohed and ahhed for the appropriate amount of time. We put the wreath in a safe place for "Daddy to take to work tomorrow" (and yes, it is still sitting there this morning).  Randy returned to his tv show and Emily started her next project: dumping toys out of her toy basket.

I turned around to a table covered with glue, construction paper and a tangled mess of ribbon on the floor.

The last paragraph of Laura's post popped into my head: "Ta-da! Now you have a lovely wreath to hang or give as a gift! And bonus- your kids had lots of great fine motor skills practice! That’s how WE do classic kids crafts at our house! How do you do Christmas crafts? Fancy? Open-ended? Messy?"

Messy, Laura, always messy. But entertainingly so. That's how we do pretty much everything. And I fully accept that I am that mom.

Happy holiday crafting, friends!
*M

Unspoken Sadness

November is National Adoption Month! Which means there are thousands and thousands of touching stories like Teach Your Children About Adoption Before Releasing Them on the Playground and awesome memes like this one:

My social media feed is full of wonderful stories and pictures of families that have come together through adoption. And all during the same month as Thanksgiving. Indeed, we have much to be thankful for. 

And yet, in the midst of this month of celebration, there are moments that appear without warning and hit me like a ton of bricks. As I'm scrolling through my social media, I see birth announcement after birth announcement. Fuzzy black and white sonogram pictures.  Smiling women with growing pregnant bellies.  Proud toddlers cuddling newborn siblings. And tears come to my eyes.

Randy and I chose adoption to create our family. Pregnancy was a road we deliberately chose not to travel. We also agreed that we would only adopt one child. And I honestly never gave it all much thought over the last 5+ years.... until now. Over those years, I've attended countless baby showers and bought baby gifts for dear friends and special co-workers without incident. I've lamented (to myself and out loud) about how difficult parenting one child is and how I cannot. even. fathom. doing it all over again! So why now? Maybe it's because I'm the same age as so many of the mamas-to-be? Maybe it's because some of them started down the adoption road but ultimately were able to get pregnant? Maybe it's because many of them have children close to Emily's age and I know that she will never have the experience of a younger sibling? Maybe it's me finally accepting something I knew in my head but not completely in my heart? Maybe it's all of those reasons and more. 

It hurts. It stings. It's tough to process. It's not a feeling or an experience that I know many of my close friends share. But I know I'm not the only one struggling with these very strong, mixed feelings (that make me feel horribly guilty). 

So to those reading this who are also working through this internal battle: we can do this. Deep within ourselves, deeper than the pain, is joy. It's a beautiful thing. We can put aside the unspoken sadness, jealousy and even resentfulness to give these moms-to-be a genuine "Congratulations!"  Because they deserve every happiness and celebration during this exciting time. All babies are a blessing regardless of how they come into our lives. Until we are able to come to terms with it all, you have understanding, acceptance and solidarity here. 

*M

Not My Story to Tell

I have a beautiful piece of artwork hanging in my office that says “your story matters.” I love hearing  people’s life stories because they contain so much power. It’s our individual successes, challenges, fears and raw honesty that allows us to truly connect with each other.

I’m always amazed at the people I meet in various settings that have adoption stories to tell. And yes, I’m a little biased, but adoption stories are hands down the best. Each are like snowflakes, all a little different, and yet, together they create a beautiful image.  I love sharing the story of how we came to be Emily’s parents and the journey that brought us together as a family. 

Yet, I always feel conflicted when I hear adoption stories that include information about a birth mom or birth family. I know often times these women and families faced unthinkable tragedy and difficult life circumstances that brought them to the decision that adoption was the best and only option for their child. My heart breaks a little every single time when I hear stories of birth mothers that abused drugs and alcohol, were victims of rape or domestic violence or struggled with mental illness.  And I feel incredibly protective of these individuals. Because I don’t think their story is our story to tell. 

Children don’t deserve to be labeled “fetal alcohol babies” or “drug babies.”  Those may be the challenges they were born into or born with but their worth is so much more.  I never want any child, including Emily, to be viewed as less than because of a label we place on them early in life. From the beginning we’ve started them off at a disadvantage because of something they had no control over. Labels diminish a child's potential. All children should know in the deepest part of their hearts that they matter, they belong and they are capable. And it’s our jobs as parents to show them and reinforce that message every single day.   

What happened prior Emily entering our life, isn’t my story to tell. Maybe it’s a story she will want to tell one day. That’s her decision to make. But my story, our story, will be what happened in the moments, days and years after that life changing phone call on a warm day in July. That story will start with what it truly was...happiness, excitement, and endless possibilities of a new chapter in life.

*M

Being a Mom Has Brought Out the Best in Me

I don’t think it’s a secret to anyone who has ever met me that I love being a mom. Yes, we have our crazy moments and I sometimes want to cry, scream, pull my hair out or do all three simultaneously. But I can honestly say that becoming a mother has made me a better person all around.  For instance....

I always have snacks with me. Need some goldfish, graham crackers, or applesauce? Check. I have them in my car, in my purse, and in various places around my house and work office. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been on a work trip or stuck in a long meeting and I have pulled a snack out of my purse. Lifesaving! Mama needs to eat, too. 

I can function off very little sleep. There was a time when I could not have gotten out of bed with less than 10 hours of sleep. No more! Nights spent sleeping in 3 hour blocks or for less than 6 hours total are the norm. Now, I’m not saying that it’s the best or healthiest way to be. But, I know that I can get less than an ideal amount of sleep AND rock an early morning meeting AND carry on intelligent conversations while making important decisions all. day. long. BRING IT, sleep deprivation!

I have fine-tuned my negotiation skills. Pre-toddler I would typically get flustered or frustrated if I tried to negotiating with someone. Or just give up trying it all together. But having a strong willed two year old has forced me to step up my game. What's that, baby girl? Don't want to go to bed? That's ok, you can read this book in your bed for a few minutes. Oh look at that, you are ASLEEP after 5 minutes. I win. Screaming about taking a shower? Look! There are bubbles in the tub! Let's see how many of them you can pop! Yup, and now you are taking a bath!  Oh, don't want to put on your shoes? How about we play a super, fun distracting game in which you have to hurry up and put sandals on before the imaginary fish tickle your feet? HA! You are now wearing shoes, sister! I know, I know it's a bit deceitful but (most) of the times it works. And when it doesn't I just have to live with a sleep deprived, unbathed child with no shoes. But only temporary until I come up with a new strategy.

I find that I'm unapologetic and more outspoken than I've ever been. And with a reason and a purpose.  Being a mom means that you are the #1 advocate for some who cannot advocate for themselves. You become their voice. That means if you have a question for the pediatrician, you ask it. If you don't like how things are going at day care, you bring it up with the director or teacher.  You make it your top priority to put everything about your baby first and foremost, which often times means stepping out of your comfort zone. And for someone who is non-confrontational, that's a big deal. 

But most of all, being a mom has forced me to make the most of my time and balance the fun with the work. Before Emily, work consumed my life and I liked it that way. I love what I do and am incredibly fortunate to work somewhere I am afforded a nice work/life balance. So, I make the most of it. Yes, there are long days with lots of work travel. But when I have a break from those days, I make sure to spend it with my sweet girl at the zoo, coloring and watching Mickey Mouse, or playing at the park. Spending that special time with her is so important to me because, when it's all said and done, everything I am and everything I have become is for her and because of her. And she deserves the best of me. 

*M

Mornings with a 2 Year Old in 47 Easy Steps

Success! We made it to day care!

1. Start by waking up 1 hour early to get yourself ready for the day in peace and quiet.
2. Quietly let the dog outside.
3. Forget dog is outside until she starts barking incessantly to be let back in.
4. Usher dog back inside and quietly retreat to bedroom as you hear toddler stirring in her crib.
5. After a quick shower, hair and makeup, return to the kitchen to prepare sippy cups and lunch for toddler (because you forgot the night before) as well as coffee for yourself.
6. Drop a sippy cup on hardwood floor, silently curse under your breath and freeze in place to make sure the racket did not wake the little one.
7. Carry on until all beverages and meals are prepared.
8. Tip toe down the hall to bedroom to check on toddler.
9. Hold breathe and crack open door to find her still asleep.  Whew.
10. Turn around and accidentally step on dog (who is RIGHT under your feet, ALWAYS) who lets out little yelp.   I’m sorry Princess, but WHY must we do this every day?
11. Toddler stirs at the sound of horrendous sound.
12. Haul it back to your bedroom to frantically get dressed before she wakes up. Also do this quietly as, amazingly, husband is still asleep.
13. Listen out via baby monitor for signs of baby waking up.
14. At the sound of Velcro tab being removed from diaper (which means she is awake and is attempting to remove off her diaper) haul it back to her room to interrupt the unauthorized undressing.
15. Greet toddler with the biggest smile and “good morning baby” which is oh-so sweetly returned to you. Highlight of the morning  thus far, hands down.
16. Ask toddler if she is ready to get out of bed.
17. Toddler emphatically informs you “NO” and rolls over. Wonder if we have somehow fast forwarded to teenage years....
18. Bribe toddler out of bed with sippy cup of milk.
19. Fetch sippy cup and proceed with assisted undressing of toddler.
20. Attempt to restrain wiggly toddler with one hand while changing diaper with other hand.
21. After multiple failed attempts, locate the toddler approved outfit from the dresser.  It does not match and you do not care.
22. Wrestle toddler into said clothes sometimes with help from little one, sometimes with tears (for both of you).
23. Wipe sweat from what was your freshly made up face.
24. Fully dressed toddler now insists on cuddling with Daddy.
25. Carry her into bedroom and wake up husband with a 30 pound toddler who felt the need to catapult herself into his stomach. 
26. Reapply make up and finish last minute wardrobe touch ups.
27. Pack toddler’s book bag with sippy cups and lunch for the day.
28. Remind toddler, who is has now climbed off bed and is harassing dog, that we do not hit.  
29. Optional step: Turn tv on to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Martha Speaks, Arthur or Curious  George.
30. Drink coffee which you have forgotten about and is now cold.  
31. Realize you are 10 minutes behind schedule for getting out of the house on time.
32. Tell toddler it is time to go.
33. Enjoy several minutes of sweet “ bye Daddy, I love  you Daddy, I love you Princey dog” and kisses all around.  Second high point of the morning.
34. Put book bag on toddler.
35. Catch a whiff of something unpleasant smelling and ask toddler “do you have a stinky?”
36. Toddler responds with standard “NO!” and proceeds to run out of the room.  Which means the answer is in fact, “yes.”
37. Locate a diaper and wipes, wrestle down toddler and change the diaper in record time.
38. Forget and put diaper in bathroom trashcan  (which will be a most unpleasant welcome home in the evening) and wash hands.
39. Put book bag back on toddler and repeat step 30.
40. Remember that you forgot to comb toddler’s hair or brush her teeth. Make an effort to do both while she runs back and forth from your bedroom to bathroom all along wishing you had remembered step #29.
41. Usher toddler out of house and outside.
42. Toddler insists on walking down steps all by herself. DO NOT interfere and try to pick her up to hurry things along.  This will only make things worse.
43. Finally get toddler into car seat, but she refuses to sit down and insists on turning car dome light on and off. And on and off.  And on and off.
44. Bribe her with goldfish and quickly buckle her in when she sits down.
45. Offer anywhere from 1-10 toys for her to play with in the car. Remember that 90% of the time she will choose the 10^th option.
46. Hurry around to the driver seat and crank up some Mickey Mouse or Frozen tunes to keep the fussing at bay. 
47. Pull out the driveway a frazzled mess. And it’s only 7:30am. 

Congrats, mom! You did it! Only to do it all over again tomorrow morning. :)

*M